"Breaking necks... and proper storytelling."

March 24th, 2011, 7:40 pm



Edit March 24th, 2011, 8:39 pm

Yeah, I made a few rants that were somewhat related with Metal Gear... but this one can technically be considered the first one to actually address itself to the series.

I want to make it clear that, despite my overall opinion on the Metal Gear series, I wouldn't go and consider it BAD... but highly overrated. I apologize for those who must be letting smoke come outta their ears, by now, but screw it. It's the way I think, this is my webcomic, and I'm not gonna lie about my own views!

And this rant leaves space for me to speak about one of the things that piss me off, in the Metal Gear series... the constant character recycling.

Keep in mind, I don't find this to be a bad thing! What troubles me is how Kojima ABUSES this, leaving the idea that he sucks at creating new characters, and so he prefers to keep recycling the ones he already has!

On this particular case, we have Johnny, a random grunt guard from Metal Gear Solid, who we get to see first when Meryl breaks out of her cell. She steals his uniform, leaving him naked on the floor, unconscious. Now, anyone with half a brain would probably fire this guy, get him arrested, tortured, or even KILLED for being such an idiot. But NOOOOoooooo...

... they assign him, later on, to guard the cell where freakin' SOLID SNAKE is being held! He couldn't even guard a battlefield newbie like Meryl, and they expect him to do a good job making sure Snake doesn't flee?! Who the FUCK came up with that decision?! If the world is being threatened by such "highly inteligent" terrorists, I think that sending boy scouts to take care of 'em would've been enough!

Now... there are several ways to get out of the cell, and one of 'em is to pretend Snake's injured/dead/whatever, forcing Johnny to open the door to check on Snake. Why doesn't he inform his superiors, I have no idea... anyway, now you can either beat him unconscious, or just break his freakin' neck, which I'm sure many of us did. So far, so good, right? This game was his first appearance, and by the look of it, it'd be the last. No harm done!

HowEVER... we get a cameo of him in Metal Gear Solid 2. It's sound-only, and it has no impact on the story whatsoever. So, we could let it slide, right?

Now, the problem is when we see this dumbnut in Metal Gear Solid 4. In the whole game, he's supposed to be the comic relief character that's more useful than he looks. For example, he's the only soldier in the battlefield with no nanomachines implanted on him, which in case all the soldiers go nuts because the nanomachines begin to manfunction, he's the one to save the day... but it ends up being really forced, if you ask me.

You want someone with no nanomachines to save the day? OTACON! Yes, I'm being serious! Seeing that he's the only one immune to those "nanomachine jams", he gets the balls to go into the battlefield and save everyone... or at least take them to safety.

Oh, I know! Let him perform CPR on Meryl after getting her to safety, and let them start having feelings for each other because they ended up kissing! And in the end we could have a 30-minute cutscene of Meryl and Otacon getting married!

... I'm really not kidding. If all that crap happened with Otacon instead of Johnny, it would make a WHOLE LOT more sense. Dunno if it'd make complete sense, but it'd be better than having her marrying a guy who's constantly shitting himself!

And don't get me started on Donald Anderson (a.k.a. Sigint), Eva, among others...

Edit May 21st, 2019, 3:38 pm


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