Edit December 19th, 2009, 7:47 pm
Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls... welcome to another one of my weekly rants! This time's rant (in case you haven't noticed): Twilight.
To think this work of literature, converted to the cinema, has caught the interest of many... HORNY IDIOTS WHO KEEP DREAMING ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH A BLOODSUCKER! I mean, what's so good about that thing, anyway? Just by looking at the movie trailer, I could guess the whole fucking plot! And you know what? I was fucking right!
Young stupid, STUPID Bella moves in to a small town which is always covered in clouds (yeah, like in England), and meets a guy (Edward) in her classroom who ends up saving her from getting run over (why did you do that? The story would end if you didn't do jack shit, you dumbass! Now we have to put up with the rest of the plot!). She then finds out that the guy is a VEGETARIAN vampire, which means that he only drinks animal blood (why did they use the term "vegetarian", anyway?). They fall in love, blablabla, until other vampire captures Bella to suck her blood, and it's up to Edward to save her sorry ass...
While their romance develops (before the stupid chick gets herself kidnapped), we can't avoid to see how much of a wuss Edward is, who keeps having doubts if he can control his primal instincts... My boy, allow me to enlighten you on that matter... IT'S CALLED AN ERECTION, OK?! And I'm sure that after using that, you'll be too tired to even think of biting her! You barely have the guts to kiss her, so biting her would be way too kinky for you...
And let's not forget Bella, the idiotic girl who accepts Edward's vampiric nature as if it was the most normal thing in the world. You know, I can deal with simple plots, as long as the characters aren't fucking STUPID! I mean, the guy starts sparkling right in front of her when the sun goes up (so much for turning into ashes...), or some shit, and what's her reaction?!
WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?! Really, what has this girl been smoking?! She has met a guy with superhuman strength, long teeth, and a thirst for blood that he tries to control at all times, and she behaves as if it was NOTHING?! I mean, I could understand if she was a goth or something, but NO! She's just an ordinary brainless chick! Anyway... seeya next time. I need to call Van Hellsing... -_-
Edit April 30th, 2017, 4:07 am